Hosting guests should be a fun experience and what better way to start things off than by introducing funny house rules for guests. Letting your sense of humor come through in your house rules will only add to the guest experience and allow you to have fun with your hosting duties. With this in mind, we’ve gathered up the funniest (and funnest) house rules for guests for your viewing pleasure. Whether you own and operate a bed and breakfast or host family and friends on occasion, there will certainly be some funny house rules for guests for everyone to enjoy. Pick and choose your favorites, or heck pick them all!
Funny House Rules for Guests
Cleanliness
- Please remove your shoes and don’t take a better pair on your way out
- If you have a complaint about the cleanliness, I can assure you I don’t care
- Clean up after yourself. House elves don’t work here
Guest Behavior
- No parties unless I’m invited
- Don’t be rude, unless necessary
- No fussin, no cussin, no backtalkin
- If you are nice and polite I am more likely to say yes
- Steal my heart not my phone
- What happens here stays here…including damage to my property so please be respectful
- A smoky house is an unhappy house. Keep the house happy
- No finger painting with food
- If you watch weird stuff on my complimentary Netflix account I’ll know
Bathroom
- Wash. Brush. Always flush
- If you sprinkle when you tinkle be a sweetie and wipe the seatie
- If you can’t get it with a flush, don’t be afraid to use the brush
- If your doodies be cray, please use the spray
Check-out Time
- Checkout time may be expedited at the owner’s discretion
Door Code
- Only gatekeepers (aka residents of [INSERT NAME OF HOME) may give out the door code. If you have the door code, you are now a key master: keep it secret, keep it safe.
Meals
- Dinner choices: take it or leave it
- Cookies for breakfast are acceptable
Mom’s Rules
- Nothing is really lost until mom can’t find it
- Remember mom is the boss
- Bedtime is negotiable
Hosts With Pets
- The cat is not a musical instrument
- They live here. You don’t
- If you don’t want pet hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture
- I like my pets a lot more than I like most people
- To you they are just pets. To me they are adopted children who are short, furry and walk on four legs.
Rules For Adults
- Anyone in this house may be naked at any time with no notice
- If the butter leaves the kitchen, it may not be taken back into the kitchen
Cabin Rules
- Wear bug spray…and deodorant
- Make memories and smores
Beach House Rules
- Let your cares drift away
- Seas every opportunity
- Adapt to changing tides
- Surf life’s rough waves
- Harbor strength and persevere
- Don’t be shellfish
- Bet on a shore thing
We Hope you’ve Enjoyed our Funny House Rules for Guests
For those of you who are of a more serious disposition, be sure to check out our (less funny) vacation home rules for guests.